


Classified Taco

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 17:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: SG-1 plus Generals Landry and O'Neill is having taco night at O'Neill's place. Daniel and Teal'c goes to the grocery store to shop for the evening. Teal'c is having great fun portraying himself, the way he was those ten years ago, and watching the others reactions.





	Classified Taco

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Teal'c and Vala sits on two chairs oposite of each other, both staring at the other one. Around them  
Daniel, Generals O'Neill and Landry, Mitchell and Sam is sitting silently. O'Neill can't wait any longer:  
"Oh, come on! How long is this going to take? Daniel, that staring competition was a bad idea. We have  
been just sitting here for the last half hour, looking at two aliens staring at each other, and I'm hungry."  
Daniel sighs: "Yeah, I guess you're right. Come on Teal'c, we gotta go the grocery store to get some  
food, or mr. Whining here is going to wear holes in my ears."  
Teal'c doesn't move an inch. "Do your ears not already have holes, Daniel Jakson? I believe they are  
necessary for the sensors inside your scull to recieve audio."  
"Uh... Yeah... The point is, it's time to go to the store."  
"I am not leaving this position until Vala Mal Doran has succumbed to my superior battle strategy."  
Vala sighs. "Now that you mention it, I'm getting kind of hungry. Go on, you win." She looks away.  
A surprised grin appears on Carters face. "What? How could you do that? You had him!"  
"Sacrifices of war, Samantha, sacrifices of war. I could give almost anything for a decent meal on  
this planet."  
"Ok.. But you had him!" They both laugh.  
"Right", Daniel says and gets out of his chair, "the door is this way, Teal'c." Teal'c rises from  
his position, quite happy with himself, and joins Daniel in the hallway as he ties his shoes. Daniel  
pops his head back into the livingroom and waves. "Bye!" Mitchell grabs for something in his pocket. It's  
his car keys. "Hey, Jackson! Take my car!"  
"Are you sure? I might let Teal'c drive."  
"Yeah, sure. Teal'c knows how to drive. Ain't that right, Teal'c?"  
"Indeed it is."  
"Anything else besides the taco?", Daniel asks. The rest of our heroes answers in unison: "No!" O'Neill  
continues: "Just get out of here and bring us some food."

Teal'c and Daniel gets in the car. It's a black Mercedes convertible. Teal'c stops for a second. "I have  
forgotten my hat."  
"Oh, ok. Just go back in and get it. I'm not going anywhere."  
Teal'c steps out of the car again and walks towards the house. Inside they have found some wine  
and are having a good time. O'Neill spots Teal'c in the hallway. "Hey! Where's the food?"  
"We have yet to travel to the grocery store. I forgot my... hat."  
"Oh, thats ok. You know how time passes fast when you're having a good time."  
"In fact, only one minute have passed since we left."  
"Well, you know..."  
"I do not."  
"Bad example. Nevermind. Have fun."  
They nod at each other, and Teal'c leaves the house once again. As he approaches the car, the booth pops  
open. "Hey, can you close it?" Daniel couldn't find the button to do that with. Our alien friend closes the  
booth and sits back into the car, his hat perfectly positioned on his head. He could have been a private  
investigator, if you didn't know his true nature. Daniel starts up the engine, revs it a few times, and  
they drive onto the main road.  
"You know, I thought Mitchell had a Mustang."  
"Yes, he in fact had a Mustang. But the propulsion drive became dislocated after it was overloaded."  
"It's called the engine, Teal'c. And it was overheated. It was something about the cam shaft... I've  
never really gotten my head around those technical car-terms."  
"And yet you are operating this automobile with great proficiency."  
"Thanks, Teal'c. But you don't really need to know how a car works to drive it well."  
"I understand."

They sit silently for a few minutes, Daniel busy with the driving, and Teal'c staring at the stars. After  
another few minutes, a conversation starts. "Daniel Jackson, this... grocery store. Will it be gross?"  
"Hahaha. No, it's not grossery store. It's grocery store."  
"Are they not the same?"  
"No, they might sound the same, but grocery and gross is quite different. You see, grocery is spelled  
with a C and an E. Gross with two S-es."  
"I see."  
"You do?"  
"Yes. We just passed a sign. It said 'grocery store'. We should have driven to the right on the previous  
intersection."  
"What? I didn't see it."  
"Have your vision been impaired?"  
"No, I just didn't notice it."  
"I understand."  
Teal'c has a big smile on his face, Daniel not noticing it.

They arrive at the store and step out of the car.  
"So this is a grocery store. I does not look pleasant. I believe I am right in my assumption, that it is  
in fact gross."  
"You'll just have to wait and see."  
They enter the store togehter. Teal'c draws a deep breath through his nostrils as Daniel grabs a cart.  
"With all these consumables in one place, the odor is unpleasant."  
"Well, I guess you get used to it. Lets not keep the others waiting. The taco is over there."  
They walk down a long row of various 'consumables' and household equipment. Teal'c stops by a shelf of toilet  
brushes, and picks one up. "What is this?"  
"It's a toilet brush. You use it to... brush the toilet."  
"Logical."  
"But... you already knew that."  
"Yes."  
"Hm!"  
They continue on the path to taco. Not long after the brushes, Teal'c finds a set of toilet paper rolls,  
wrapped in plastic. He knows very well what toilet paper is too, but he asks anyway, just for fun.  
"What is this?"  
"You use it to...", he stops as he notices what Teal'c really is holding. "You don't wan't to know."  
"I do not?"  
"No. Just, leave it." The laughter from Teal'c is almost muted, but Daniel hears it. "What? Oh,  
you already knew that too, didn't you. That's uh... Funny." They smile. "Come on. Let's find this taco."  
They walk down to the end of the row and on the top it says "Taco" in white letters on a black  
background. The shelves below is filled with shells, sauces, cheeses, all the things needed to call  
a meal 'taco'. They grab everything needed and puts it all into the cart. And then it is the path to  
payment that has to be walked.  
"Do you got any money, Teal'c? I forgot my wallet in the car."  
"I do not."  
"Oh, well. I'll just go get it. Stay here and keep an eye on our cart."  
"I will keep both my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson."  
"Right..."  
Daniel leaves Teal'c in the store. An old lady tries to get past Teal'c, and he moves himself and the  
cart away.  
"Thank you, young man."  
"It is my pleasure. Although I am not in position to reveal my true age, I gladly reveal to you that  
I am in fact much older than it seems."  
"No worries, no worries. I have to say that you're in pretty good shape for an old man."  
She pats him on his stomach.  
"Thank you", he nods at her and she leaves him.  
A young man comes by Teal'c and spots him.  
"Hey! Any break in your case, detective?"  
"My case? If it was broken, I would replace it. And I am not a detective."  
"Oh, but I just thought... The hat and all."  
"Yes. I have grown quite fond of this one."  
"I hear you're talking kinda strange. You're not from around here, are you?"  
"Indeed I am not."  
"So, whats your name? Where are you from?"  
"My name is Teal'c, and I am from Chulak."  
"That sounds like someplace I've never heard of."  
"Most people have not. It is very far from here."  
Daniel walks into the store again. "Hey, I see you have made a friend already."  
The young man recognizes him.  
"Oh, man! Doctor Jackson?"  
"Uh, yeah?"  
"I can't believe it! It's actually you! I read your book, man. You rock. I'm a huge science fiction fan,  
and the pyramids as landing pads for alien ships... Far out!"  
"Yeah, well. You know. It's just a theory."  
"Don't be so modest, man. I used some of your work in a paper for university. Hope you don't mind."  
"Sure, as long as you put my name on the list of sources, and get a good grade."  
"Ofcourse. Where did you get the idea, anyway?"  
"That's uh... that's classified."  
"Classified? As in... You're not allowed to talk about it?"  
"That's right. You seem like a smart kid. I think you understand."  
"Yep, I got it. No talking. Zip! Wait a minute... Holy monkeys! It's true?"  
Teal'c steps into the conversation. "Daniel Jackson."  
"I know, Teal'c." He turns back to the boy. "Do you got a few minutes?"  
"Sure."  
"Lets go outside. I just have to pay for this stuff here, and we can talk in the car."  
The young man and Teal'c helps Daniel put all the taco on the counter, and he pays for it all. The girl  
behind the counter says: "Thanks for shopping, and have a good night!"

They all put the taco in the trunk of the car, and gets in. Daniel pulls out a piece of paper from the  
glove compartment. "What's your name?"  
"Anville. Peter Anville."  
"Can I have your adress too?"  
Peter gives him his adress.  
"Why do you need my adress?"  
"Someone from the Air Force is going to show up at your apartment tonight, and ask you to sign a  
non-disclosure agreement. Sign it. That's very important. The air force don't want anyone leaking  
information to the public."  
"This seem kinda serious."  
"It is, very serious. Lets just say that the truth is more amazing than you can ever imagine. And I  
mean: ever. That's why it's so important to keep it secret. The world is just not ready for it. Imagine  
the panic in the streets."  
"I got it. Classified means 'not ready for the world'. And I won't tell anyone about this. Not even my  
girlfriend."  
"Good."  
"Teal'c here is not even from this planet. Oops, I did it again... I'm so tired."  
"Oh, that Chulak place?"  
Teal'c and Daniel exchange looks. "What? You told him where you are from?"  
"The name of my home planet does not suggest that it is in fact another planet."  
"Right. I think Peter knows enough."  
"Indeed."  
Daniel picks up his cell phone from his pocket and dials a number.  
"Yeah, it's Daniel here. How's the party?"  
Landry is sitting in a fluffy chair with a glass of wine in his hand, his cell phone in the other: "What's  
taking you people so long? It's just taco!"  
"We got everything. It's just that I have mistakenly revealed some classified information to a guy here,  
and... Could you just pull some strings and send someone to a Peter Anville?" Daniel gives Landry the adress.  
"He needs to sign a non-disclosure agreement. I said some things that I shouldn't have. Luckily it was to  
someone smart, and he understands how important this is."  
"Sure thing, Daniel, when you put it like that. I'll get someone to be there within the hour."  
"That's all, general. Thanks." He hangs up the phone.  
"Ok, Peter. Someone is going to show up at your adress within the hour."  
"That's okay. I'm not doing anything special tonight anyway."  
"All right. It's time for me and Teal'c to get the taco to some hungry people."  
"Oh, I won't keep you. Enjoy your food. Bye!" Peter steps out of the car.  
"Bye!"  
"Indeed."  
They fasten their seatbelts in silence and drives onto the main road again, towards O'Neills place. Teal'c  
stares at the stars again. This time he is on the other side of the road, and the other half of the sky  
is revealed to him. The stars get brighter and brighter as they close in on O'Neills house.  
"Orion is very clear. I have heard, many times, that it was he who helped you solve the mysteries on how to  
align the Stargate."  
"Yes, not Orion himself, but his star picture helped me."  
"Yes."

As they drive onto O'Neills driveway, Landry steps out the door. He has left his glass of wine inside.  
"Finally, some taco!"  
"Yeah", Daniel replies, "sorry about the delay."  
"Teal'c! Just get inside, me and Daniel can handle the food bags."  
"Very well. As you wish."  
Teal'c closes the door as he enters the house. Landry orders Daniel to get back into the car.  
"Daniel, Daniel. I hope you have a good excuse."  
"Actually, sir, I don't. I have been very tired lately, after the whole thing with Merlin in my mind,  
being a prior and... I've been thinking a lot about Sha're and Dr. Fraiser lately. I don't know why, but I am."  
"I'll let it go this time. But next time, if there ever is one, I won't be as gentle as I am tonight. Besides,  
when you made the mistake, you did well on cleaning up after you. Take some time off, I think you need it."  
"Thank you, sir."  
"Ok. Now, lets go inside and eat that taco."  
"Yes, sir!"  
They get out of the car, grabs the bags from the booth of the car, and enter the house. O'Neill is so hungry he's  
almost walking up the walls. "Ah, finally. Come on, bring it here. The oven has been warm for the last fortyfive  
minutes." He grabs the box, rips it open and throws the taco into the oven and waits. After 30 seconds Carter  
walks into the kitchen, an empty bottle of wine in her hand. "Don't forget to... remove the plastic from the  
taco shells."  
O'Neill looks into the oven, where the taco shells has been for the last minute. "Damn! I forgot to... remove the  
plastic! Well, this will be interresting, if not dangerous, to eat. Uh, Daniel?" He grabs a wooden fork to get the  
glossed taco shells out of the oven. Daniel comes into the kitchen after putting his coat on a hanger.  
"We... I, forgot to remove the plastic from the taco shells."  
"Uh, why are you telling me this?"  
"Because you are the one who... bought them?"  
"How does that have anything to do with what you did to them?"  
"You should have told me that there were plastic on 'em!"  
"There is plastic on all kinds of taco shells! It's not..."  
Vala, Teal'c and Mitchell enters the already overcrowded kitchen.  
"...my problem!"  
"Oh, yeah?"  
"Yes!"  
"Boys?" Vala looks at both of them. They both look at her. "As much as I would like to see how this plays out,  
isn't there something more important to do than standing here, jammering on about some melted plastic on the  
food? As I have observed, there is still food in those four bags on the table. We are all hungry, and why don't  
we just prepare it? The food, I mean. Not our hunger." O'Neill looks at Daniel, then he moves his attention to  
the fork he is holding, currently pointed at Daniel. He places it slowly on top of the oven.  
"Yes", O'Neill says, "we could just do that. Sorry, Daniel. The headache is getting to my... head."  
"Oh, no, it's allright."  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, sure."  
"Okie dokie. Lets prepare some food."


End file.
